Sunday, June 14, 2009

Eat Fresh

I have the same problem with every Subway restaurant when I'm ordering more than one sandwich. The "sandwich artist" insists, even after being denied once, that I tell them up front what all my sandwiches are. Like they really need this to start out with.

Inevitable I consult my paper and say, "Okay, I'll take one six-inch on white..." and they immediately interrupt me and say, "What other sandwiches do you want?" I make a semi-show of being annoyed with being interrupted, and I say, "All right, two six-inch ham & cheese one white, one foot-long southwest chicken salad on whole wheat, and one plain tuna on ginger sesame."

And now this next thing, always, always, always happens, and is the reason I am so mad at having to list them all at the beginning. My sandwich artist then makes the first one, slides my sandwich along to the next artist and looks back at me and says, "and what was the next one?"

What. The. Hell?

Seriously, you needed me to list them all just so you could forget them, like we both knew you would, and have to ask again? If you need to know how many sandwiches I need so you can plan ahead to slide that first one along and get back to the bag of bread, fine, ask me how many I plan to be ordering. Which is also stupid, because my bread-retrieval artist always asks, "Is that all?" So we don't need this charade in the beginning when you interrupt my train of thought to pretend that your sandwich artistry is served by my upfront Declaration of Sandwiches.

So I'm not done. That is definitely frustrating all on its own, but then how they deal with the multiple sandwich order gets even more annoying and difficult. It's like when the bread-retrieval artist has to ask each and every time what sandwich I wanted, after she insisted on hearing every one in a leap of incredible optimism at her own memory, she and her artist of a husband now need to punish me for revealing them to have normal human memories.

So then this little dance ensues. I follow my first sandwich as the sandwich-assembly artist takes my order for what accouterments I want with it. I am some portion between 25 and 50% of the way through that operation when the bread-retrieval artist interrupts me to ask what I want to add to the second sandwich. Now unlike my personal sandwich artists, I am not laboring under the false impression that I am of super-human sandwich-making abilities. After all, I have not gone to sandwich-artist school to get my multi-threaded, interlaced super sandwich memory training.

So I have to stop thinking about sandwich #1 to now address sandwich #2, which has a different set of stuff on it. So I repeat that to the first artist and turn back to the second artist and try to remember where I was. This is clearly wrong, and bad, and leads to errors and this madness must be stopped.

Subway. Eat fresh.


JimII said...

Why do I have to enter my account number into an automatic phone machine and then give it to the first operator I talk to?

Geoff said...

Jim - I cannot actually stop myself from mentioning this to the human I eventually get. I even go so far as asking them why, even if I've entered my account number for some good reason other than he/she actually having it, their company can't go ahead and give it to her/him too, if for nothing more than not making me annoyed every time I call.

JimII said...

I can't say I do it every time, but I do it often. Frequently like I don't understand, "What? Oh, yeah I already entered it. . . . Oh, you don't have it?"

Stay strong.

Doug Haffner said...

My sandwich complaint is that the damn names are too long. By the time I order my "Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki on Monterrey Cheddar" it's clear that the folks at Subway don't want the sandwich machine to move quickly. If they wanted speed, it would be a sweet cluck on it (through the garden...with all the toppings for those who dislike brevity). Forget healthcare, we need Subway shorthand and we need it now.

Matt Dick said...

Forget healthcare, we need Subway shorthand and we need it now.

Yeah, I'd give up healthcare reform if we could just universally solve the constant retail interface problems that plague us.